Cast experience - Take 2

Yesterday I get a call from Zach's teacher.

Me: Is everything ok?!?

Teacher: Yes. But..... Zach took his cast off.

Me: HE WHAT? He took his cast off?

Teacher: Yeah, I don't know how he did it but we were at circle time and he just slipped it right off. We were going to try to put it back on but it wouldn't go on easily and didn't want to injure his wrist more.



Seriously kid? Who takes a cast off??! This child never ceases to amaze me. I call the doctor and back we go to get another cast put on. This time they put it up above his elbow so that he can't get it off.



Any bets on if he will get this one off? Because seriously, I wouldn't put it past him.

Our first cast experience

Monday I got a call at work. Zach's teacher tells me that he fell off the monkey bars at school. He cried a bit and they took him to the nurses office and iced it and he seemed ok. He was moving it fine and he did the hand motion to apply hand sanitizer so it didn't appear broken. They sent him home on the bus but to keep an eye on it. I asked him about it Monday night and he told us he fell and was sorta babying it but seemed ok.

Tuesday I get a text from our daycare provider. Zach fell on the same wrist and he cried a little. They were icing it and he was moving it fine and he was happily watching a cartoon. I called our pediatricians nurse and she said to watch it for a few days and if it didn't improve, to call them and we would have it checked out.

We noticed him not moving it at all Tuesday night (he could move it, but chose not to). He wouldn't pull his pants up or use it to do anything. First thing Wednesday we make appointments and get him in for an x-ray. Chris had taken him to the doctor so they were spending the afternoon together and our doctor called and said it was in fact fractured.

Today we took the day off and took him for his cast. We were pretty concerned about how he would act. He gets very anxious around doctors, nurses, medical facilities, anything that remotely looks like it might be out to get him.

After a bit of stalling on Zach's part we finally distracted him enough to get the cast on. He was excited to pick his favorite color!

When we were walking out of the office Zach said to me with a giggle in his voice "I was a little nervous in there". Melt. My. Heart.



Through this whole ordeal this week he has been so tough. He really didn't complain about it much and went to school almost all week.

We were so proud of him for being so brave that we did what any parent would. Took him to the toy store!



I went in to check on him tonight and he just looks even more grown up than he did last night.



But when I see him laying there all grown up... I still see this

Stroke Awareness Month

May is stroke awareness month and since today is the last day of the month, I wanted to get something posted. I wanted to write out a long moving post but I got nothin'. But.. I wanted to re-share our story to remind people to know the signs. Know that many young people suffer from strokes. Trust your instincts. If something seems off, ask questions. Don't let them rest. Get help FAST.

Use FAST to remember the warning signs:

F: Face - Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?
A: Arms - Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?
S: Speech - Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is their speech slurred or strange?
T: Time - If you observe any of these signs, call 911 immediately.

An interesting fact that I have read is that only 3% of stroke victims can get the TPA treatment because most people do not get to a hospital in time to have it administered. Every minute that passes increases your chances of having a residual effects from the stroke. Side effects that could be debilitating and lifelong.

I am so thankful that I trusted my gut and called 911 quickly when Chris had his stroke. Our future could have been drastically different had he not received treatment as quickly as he did.

Just when you think things can't get worse....

I haven't posted much lately. I haven't had anything funny, witty or inspiring to say. (I know, I know... you all are thinking that I NEVER have anything funny, witty or inspiring to say). Chris gave me the green light to let people know what is going on.. so here goes...

The last time I posted about Chris was when he had the loop recorder inserted. Last week he went and had the data "intercepted" as they call it. His cardiologist called on Friday to let us know the details. In the 3 week period since he had it placed, his heart stopped at least 85 times. For 4-5 seconds each time. Completely flat lined.

Eighty. Five. Times.

Now, count 5 seconds. One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand. Four one thousand. Five one thousand. Now imagine that whole time your heart didn't beat.

Doesn't seem possible, right? But ya, that is what is heart is doing. An average of 4 times a day. And generally it is not when he is sleeping.

His cardiologist also informed us that he needs a pacemaker and he needs it sooner than later. If he does not agree to have it done before Christmas time, he will report Chris to the DMV and have his drivers license pulled. He referred us to another cardiologist in his practice to discuss the procedure since he does not place pacemakers himself. After a long weekend of emotions and discussions we decided to wait and see what the doctor we are referred to says. We met with this doctor on Wednesday. He studied all the data and shows us the scans where you can see his heart stop. I asked him if he agrees with the time frame that Chris' cardiologist gave us which was before Christmas. He said that is being very generous and that it really should happen this week. Being that Chris is still on blood thinners it cant happen just yet. He has to be off those meds for a few days. We are waiting to hear from scheduling to set the date but it could happen as early as next Tuesday.

This is all very hard on Chris because he feels perfectly fine. Doesn't get light headed like they say he should be. The doctor that we met with this week said that isn't abnormal. A lot of people don't feel anything. Until it is too late.

I am really ready to be able to sleep well at night and not wake up in the morning and hold my breath until I hear that he is still breathing. 

I will keep updating as we have information but for now, please say a prayer that he continues to feel good until the surgery can happen and that the surgery is uncomplicated.

Chris' surgery...

Sunday afternoon Chris, my mom and I drove down to the Burbank/Glendale area and got checked into our hotel. Took part in the hotels complimentary happy hour and then took a walk to find dinner. After that we called it and night and we all went to bed. Monday morning we were to report to the hospital at 10am to get checked in and for things to get going. When the hospital called me on Friday to go over the pre-admitting stuff, they also informed me that he was scheduled for a transesophageal echocardiogram, or TEE, at 12pm. They also needed to do pre-op lab work.

We left the hotel at 9am, not knowing what to expect from LA traffic. We made it to the hospital fairly quickly and the thoughtful guy Chris is, he went and filled the van up with gas so we didn't have to worry about it when it was time to make the drive home. We parked at the hospital and headed in to find admitting. We got through admitting about 9:30 and the guy who did all our admitting paperwork walked us to a lobby and told us to wait there and someone would come get us. We waited a very long time but there were also others who were there for tests and what not who had been waiting over an hour so while we were annoyed we didn't think anything of it. At 10:50am my cell phone rang. It was a nurse from the Short Stay area calling to see where we were. Once we rushed to where we should have been all along they got things going. The drew his blood, started his IV and got him hooked up to the monitors. They explained that the doctor performing the TEE wanted the blood work back before they could proceed so they were rushing that process. Things were moving right along and on schedule to start the TEE at noon. The specialist doing the surgery came in around 11:45am to check in with him. Shortly after they informed us that his blood work had been lost at the lab and they would be coming to re-draw it. They called the doctor doing the TEE and let him know things would be delayed about an hour. Shortly after, they found the blood. It had gotten stuck in the tube between the nurses station and the lab. By this time the doctor had already delayed getting there for the TEE and the specialist doing the surgery was not happy. Blood results were finally in and they inform me that they are going to do the TEE and then take him right in for surgery so it would be about 4 hours or so until the doctor came to talk to me.

We decided to grab some lunch while we waited but first we were going to unload some of the stuff we had in the car. We had a laptop, Chris' PSP, magazines, etc. Too many things to be dragging around the hospital that we weren't utilizing. We asked a nurse where the cafeteria and she explained that they had some food for sale but that their main cafeteria was under construction. We decided that since we had so much time, we would leave and grab some lunch and come back. We paid the $6 daily max for the parking garage. The parking garage that does not have in and out privileges. I drove around for a bit and found an El Torito. It was packed but we went for it anyway. We sat down and decided on their lunch buffet. The server came by and informed us that it was $3 Margarita Monday. Yes Please! I took a couple sips and it was heavenly. Cheap low quality tequila was just what I needed to take the edge off. I told my mom I felt guilty for not being at the hospital but admitted that it was a great distraction. I was getting a plate of food when my cell phone rang. I stepped outside to take it since it was really loud and crowded (It was $3 margaritas after all). It was the hospital. The nurse was frantic asking where I was. Long story short... they forgot to have Chris sign the consent form. FOR THE SURGERY. And being that he was already sedated he could not sign it. So I needed to sign it. And they couldn't start the surgery until I signed it. I told her I was on my way. I went back inside to tell my mom and decided that I couldn't have been very far from the hospital and I wasn't going to deal with parking and leaving again so I decided to jog/walk back to the hospital. I grabbed my handy IPhone, pulled up my GPS, and took off. It was a little less than a mile away. I probably made it back faster than I would have driving. As I am walking in the hospital my phone is ringing again. It is one of the doctors in the cath lab looking for me. Because... you know... Chris is LAYING ON THE TABLE. I sign the form. Asked 5 times if there is anything they could possibly need for me to be there for and walked back to lunch.

We finished up pretty quick and got back to the hospital. We expected to wait another 2+ hours to hear something so we set up camp in the waiting room. Shortly after someone called the volunteer desk to ask if anyone was there for Chris. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. The doctor came out and sat down to talk to me. He explained that they were not able to do the ablation. He said, several times, that Chris' heart is "very abnormal". When they went in they shocked his heart back to a normal rhythm and his heart rate was low, which I could have told them would happen. Then he started looking around and he explained that all of the electrical currents in Chris' heart reacted very abnormally when he went near them. Because of that he did not feel comfortable doing the ablation because he felt there was no way he would have gotten off the table without a pacemaker and at his age they obviously want to do everything they can to avoid that. He called Chris' local cardiologist and discussed what was going on with him and they both decided that they wanted to implant a loop recorder. Basically what this does is record every beat that his heart makes. It is not attached to his heart the way a pacemaker or a defibrillator would be. Every so often he will check in with his cardiologist who will download all the information and can see exactly what his heart is doing at all times of the day. Chris has always had a pretty low heart rate but they want to see what is going on at night. This will hopefully buy him at least 5+ years without needing a pacemaker. Because Chris was sedated and could not consent to this procedure they could not do it until the following morning. I was finally able to see him a couple hours later. He was starving and uncomfortable. He had to lay flat on  his back for hours after they surgery because of the incision sites. They went in on both sides of his groin so he was pretty uncomfortable and had to have 10 lb sandbags on each incision site to help the blood clot. After feeding him some dinner I called it a night.

At 7:30 am this morning they placed the loop recorder. It was a fast procedure and Chris was awake through the whole thing. Afterward he had to be watched at the hospital for about 5 hours and then we were able to come home. His chest is really sore and it is hard on him to not be able to pick up the kids and we have to constantly remind the kids to be gentle with daddy. Zach and Chris rough house quite a bit so it is hard for Zach to understand and I feel like we are constantly on edge that he is going to charge Chris with a slam hug. We will followup with Chris' local cardiologist later in the week and talk about where we go from here.

The latest with us...

I completely failed at hitting 31 for 21. I think I barely hit half. In my defense, I have had a lot going on and I really feel that I succeeded in my mission. I think I truly raised awareness and helped educate people on Down syndrome.

Now on to my excuse as to why I failed...

The last few months have been a challenge, to say the least. The time has finally come to update blog world on what is going on.

For those of you that don't know my husband, my 37 year old husband, had a stroke. Ever since then, we have been consumed with doctor appointments, decisions, and lots of stress. After the failed attempt at converting his heart his cardiologist referred us to an electrophysiologist to talk about surgery.  There are no electrophysiologists in our county. Our HMO referred us to a doctor in the Los Angeles area which is about 3.5 hours away from us. We traveled down there a few weeks back and met with the specialist who informed us that he needs the surgery and he needs it soon. The surgery that he needs to correct his heart abnormality is a Cardiac Ablation. On top of that, he also informed Chris that he needs to be prepared for a pacemaker. He said there is about a 95% chance that he wont need one, but that it is something that is a possibility. In the state that his heart is in, for a guy his age, he should have a heart rate close to 200. His is in the 70s. The fear is that when they correct the abnormality and get his heart beating in a normal rhythm his heart rate will be so low that a pacemaker will be necessary. Which is exactly what happened when they did the cardioversion back in August.

After many phone calls and schedule changes we have a date. Chris' surgery will take place next Monday November 8th. Anyone that can spare positive thoughts and prayers, please send them our way that he wont need a pacemaker and that the surgery will be successful.

The latest on Chris

2 weeks ago Chris and I headed up to the hospital for Chris' Cardioversion procedure. They took him back to the waiting area for outpatient procedures and got his IV started, took blood and got the heart monitors on him before calling me back to sit with him. We were there chatting with the nurse for about an hour before the cardiologist got there. His doctor asked me if I wanted to stay to watch it. Sure. I like medical stuff and I have watched my fair share. I watched my moms laser eye surgery on a close up TV screen while she was having it done. I thought it was really cool when they cut the eye ball and pulled the lens back to access the cornea. This would be no biggie.

They put the pads on him. One on his chest and one on his back. They administered the sedatives through his IV to put him to sleep. They charge up the machine. The machine has a warning saying that his pads are not reading properly. They cant figure out why. The machine was reading his EKG information so they knew it was working. He charged it up again and said "Clear!" and pushed the button and nothing happened. Then they realized the wires were not connected to the pads that do the actual shock. I said "You guys are not making feel very good about this!". They get him plugged in and the doctor charges the machine back up and says "Clear!" and just like you see in the movies, Chris' whole upper body lifts up from the gurney. He opens his eyes and looks around. The doctor tells me that it didn't work. He would have to shock him a second time. Chris was still looking around so they gave him another small dose of drugs. I told them I had to leave. I could not watch that again.

I went out to the waiting room and started to worry when a lot of time passed. The doctor finally came out and said that the second shock did work but now he was concerned because his heart rate was in the 30s at rest. 40s when he asked him to get up and move around a little bit. He felt there was some sort of congenital problem and that the top and bottom chambers were not "talking to each other" properly. He still felt ok with Chris going home that day. Said there was nothing urgent that was of concern but that we would talk about him at the followup appointment the following week. He said he expected that Chris would get dizzy easily and that he would not be surprised if he passed out. It was a Friday so he gave me his cell phone number to contact him if we had any problems or questions over the weekend.

I went back to see Chris. I didn't tell him too much at the time because I did not want to give him more to worry about. We were able to leave fairly soon after. We came home and he took a nice long nap. He felt pretty good the next day other than some soreness in his chest. I could hear the difference in his heart beat when I put my ear to his chest. I have become a novice in distinguishing the different states of his heart beats. The following Monday he had to go in to have his blood levels checked and they checked his pulse and said he was irregular again. Not what we expected, or wanted, to hear! I listened to his heart that night and it did sound a little irregular, but not the same as it did post stroke when he was in Atrial Fibrillation. We had a followup appointment with the cardiologist on Wednesday and he said that Chris was back in A Fib. Atrial Flutter to be exact. He said he uses the terms interchangeably but that the A Flutter was a much more organized rhythm than it had before. Last Thursday at work Chris felt his heart beat pretty hard and he got slightly dizzy. When we got home I listened to it and low and behold, it had converted itself back into a regular rhythm. Today, it converted back. It is a very nerve racking state of unknown right now.

At the last appointment with the cardiologist we talked about options from this point on and when we have more information on how he is going to proceed, we will discuss them with everyone.

Thank you to everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers!

Stroke... Part 2

If you have not read Part 1, start here.

I woke up the next morning hoping it was all a nightmare. Hoping I would roll over and Chris would be next laying there next to me. But of course the other side of the bed was as empty as it was just a few hours earlier when I laid down. I jumped out of bed and called the ICU nurse who said he was awake already and put me through to him. I could hear in his voice how different he was. It was as if his soul had been missing and overnight had returned to his body. His speech was off, but the gibberish was gone. I took a shower and waited for my mom who went to the hospital with me. When we got there the ultrasound technician was doing ultrasounds of his legs and carotid artery checking for clots. She also came back later in the day and did a very long echo cardiogram of his heart. She told us, unofficially of course, that all looked well but she did notice some fluttering in his heart. Chris was starving. He hadn't eaten anything since 2pm Monday when he had a snack at work. They would not let him eat or drink anything until he met with a speech therapist to evaluate him and ensure that he would not choke or aspirate.

We still did not have a lot of answers as to why this happened. Chris is 37 years old. Has never been a smoker, heavy drinker, or drug user. He plays soccer 2-3 times a week and has always been healthy. When talking to the doctors the night before in the ER about his medical history, diet and eating habits I did mention that he drank energy drinks. Generally 2-3 a day. They seemed very interested in this and felt that could have been a factor in causing his stroke.

We met with the cardiologist who explained that the stroke was caused by Atrial Fibrillation. The irregular heart beat will cause a clot and paired with the amount of caffeine in the energy drinks, it was a formula for disaster. Most people who have A Fib have a heart rate that averages in the 130-150 range. Chris' averages around 60-70 so he had no idea that he was experiencing this. When he was in the hospital in February, they did not ever mention that he was in A Fib so it was a relatively new thing.

There was a lot going on throughout the day. Nurses in and out. A visit from Chris' bosses. Chris had an MRI where they officially confirmed he had a stroke. The neurologist said there was some scarring in his brain. Finally around 3pm or so the speech therapist came in and did some tongue exercises with Chris and watched him eat a milkshake. She cleared him to eat and showed us some exercises that he needed to do to strengthen his tongue to help his speech return to normal. He scarfed down a turkey sandwich (the first of many) and was happy to finally get to eat.

Around 4 that afternoon he was able to get up and try to walk. He felt pretty good but he did feel like he was tilting to one side while he walked. In his mind, he thought it should be obvious that he was tilting, but knew that it wasn't. Our fantastic daycare provider dropped the kids off at the hospital so they could visit with Daddy. After a short visit we went home so I could try to maintain some normalcy for the kids. We had dinner and did our nighttime routine. Chris had a good night. Watched TV. Ate dinner. Walked a little bit more with one of the nurses.

Wednesday morning I dropped the kids off at daycare and went back up to see him. There was talks of moving him to the unit that was just a step down from ICU but they were full so they moved him down to the "Med Surg" floor. It was good and bad. Good because that meant he was one step closer to going home. Bad because it was a cramped room where he would possibly have a roommate. When he was moved around noon, he had a roommate who was in his 80's and hard of hearing. So, you can imagine the volume of his TV. The roommate left around 3 and Chris was lucky enough to be alone in his room until Friday morning. Wednesday was more of the same. The speech therapist came and worked with him again, along with an occupational therapist and a physical therapist.

The cardiologist met with us again. We talked with him about treatment going forward. They put him on blood thinners to avoid the possibility of another clot forming. Because of the tPA that he was given upon arrival they had to start slow with new medications. They started giving him shots of Lovenox in his stomach on Wednesday. This is a faster delivered blood thinner until the Warfarin could get to the appropriate levels in his system.

Chris was able to get up and walk a little bit in the halls. Didn't do too much Wednesday but by Thursday he did a few laps up and down the halls. Thursday was about the same as Wednesday. Meeting with the ST, PT, OT and cardiologist. I think the floor doctor also came in to check on him, but we didn't get much out of him in terms of information. He didn't tell us anything we didn't already know from the nurse or the cardio.

Friday morning Chris was itching to go home and we were doing a lot of walking up and down the hallway. The floor doctor came in to check on him and said he would be there until at least Monday. Since he was getting the shots he had to stay there and they wanted his blood at a certain level before he could leave. We met with the cardiologist around 10am who said that if the insurance approved it and I felt ok giving him the shots we could go home. Chris was so ecstatic! We got all the prescriptions, follow up appointments, and instructions and we were out of there! Chris was so excited to be out of bed and out of the hospital that we actually stopped on the way home and had sushi for lunch before picking up all his drugs.

Understandably, it still took some time for him to regain his energy and get back to doing his day to day activities. Even now, a 6 weeks later, he still tires easily. The cardiologist said that after his Cardioversion this coming Friday, he should notice a huge difference in his stamina and energy level. The cardiologist and neurologist have talked and neither of them are in a rush to get him off of the blood thinners so he will stay on those for awhile. He was back to work part time the following week and on the soccer field 3 1/2 weeks post stroke. He has had lots of follow up appointments and has to have his blood levels checked weekly. We also had to pay some guy $300 to come evaluate Chris and watch him drive so that he could fill out the reports for the Neuro and the DMV to clear him to drive. He wasn't able to drive for a couple weeks and I was hating being the sole driver. He is also not the best passenger so he was anxious to get back in the drivers seat.

It has been a hell of an experience that I do not wish on anyone but I am so thankful for how quickly he has recovered.

Stroke... Part 1

A month ago Chris suffered a stroke. I am just now having the time to "talk" about it. It is, by far, the scariest thing I have lived through. I hope hearing our story will help others know the signs and trust their instincts if faced with a life and death health situation. I am so thankful I did. Here is our story...

It started like any other Monday. Alarm goes off. Take a shower. Get dressed. Pack my lunch and Zach's lunch. While packing Zach's lunch, make a mental note that we are out of juice boxes. Drop kids off at daycare. Commute in to work together. Work all day. Chris picks me up. We chat about our day on the drive home. Pick up the kids. Come home. Sort mail. Unpack Zach's backpack. Remember we are out of juice boxes. Say to Chris "Honey, check in the garage to see if we have another box of Capri Sun's and put them in the fridge." Chris comes in from the garage and says "we don't have anymore, want me to go to the store? We could use some sour cream for the chili anyway"? (we had made chili on Sunday to have for dinner on Monday and it came out a little spicy so we though sour cream might make it less spicy for the kids). I debated on him going since it was the last week of summer school and I could get by with other drinks for Zach's lunch. But, he decided to go. While he is gone, I start warming up bowls of chili. I call and chat with my mom for a few minutes.

Little did I know my life was about to change forever.

About 20 minutes later, the kids announce "Daddy's home!" and I continue what I am doing. I could see the driveway from the kitchen and noticed the car door was open for a few minutes, but figured that he was gathering his things, turning off his IPod, etc. He walks in carrying boxes of Capri Suns and a grocery bag. I look at his face and he just did not look right. His left eye looked very small, like he was squinting and the left side of his face seemed somewhat droopy. I asked him what was wrong and his response was "I don't know, my vision was just off, I need to lay down for a few minutes". My heart starts racing. That just did not seem like him but he has been mentioning that he needs to see the eye doctor lately to get a new prescription for his vision problems in his left eye that he has had for years.

He lays on the couch and I am drilling him with questions. He has a coy smile on his face, almost like he was mocking me for being concerned. I ask him to smile. Smile was fine, face reacts on both sides of the face. I ask him to stick out his tongue. Both sides of his tongue look like he has been clenching down on it and there are teeth marks running along both sides. Then our conversation goes like this:
Me: "I am calling 911"
Chris: "No you aren't, I am fine, just let me rest and you guys start eating dinner"
Me: "No Chris, I am calling 911"
Chris: "Stop, I am fine, you are not calling 911"
Me: "Fine, I am calling my mom to have her come over and watch the kids in case I need to take you to the hospital for some reason"
Chris: "Fine"

I call my mom and tell her that Chris isn't acting right. I don't know what is wrong but he just doesn't seem right and he is telling me not to worry or call 911. She says "Jennifer, call 911, I am on my way".

I start pacing. Trying to decide if I am overreacting (which I have been known to do), or if there was really something wrong. Then I hear him say "the coach emailed us about the protocol of the defense". I picked up the phone and called 911. He is still looking at me like I am nuts and should not be concerned but he just was not himself. I hang up with the 911 operator and within minutes I hear the sirens of the fire engines. I talk to the kids and let them know that there will be a lot going on in the house in a minute and they are coming to make sure daddy feels OK and they need to stay out of the way. I move all the toys and shoes and make a clear path from the front door to the couch where Chris is.

The firemen walk in a few minutes later and start hooking Chris up to machines and asking him questions. Zach, of course, is trying to help them. Hannah starts panicking and wants nothing but to be held. They ask Chris if he knows where he is and he knew our address perfect. About 5 minutes later, he got one of the numbers wrong. Most questions they asked him were basic and he answered fine. Things like his name, day of the week, his birth date. They asked me to ask him questions that only we would know. I asked him Zach's birthday and he knew the day and month but got the year way off. By this time the EMTs had shown up as well. The wonderful woman driver had pulled Zach to a little corner in the house and talked to him and kept him occupied. They prepare to bring the gurney in and are looking at the tight fit (our house is small). Chris says "No, I can walk out", which he did. He laid on the gurney which they had on the porch. They strap him in and start loading him in the ambulance and the kids say goodbye. They were very excited about the stickers the firemen had just given them. I am standing there in shock and a neighbor walks over and asks if I need anything. One of the firemen says to me "you need to get to the hospital as soon as possible because we have no idea if what he is saying is true." I turned to my neighbor (who I had met in passing but did not even know her name) and said "Can you sit with my kids? My mom should be here within 10 minutes" and I jumped in the front if the ambulance. On the way over I was pretty hysterical and the driver (who had just finished keeping Zach occupied) was trying to keep me engaged in conversation. She asked if I had someone to come to the hospital to sit with me. I hadn't even thought of that. All I was thinking was taking care of Chris and making sure the kids were taken care of. I call our friends Doug and Kelly and ask if they can keep the kids for the night so my mom can come up and be with me. We work out arrangements and they, once again, come through for us and come pick up the kids from my mom. As we are driving over to the hospital in the ambulance, I cant hear much of what is going on the back but I do hear them asking Chris if he did any drugs when he went to the store to which he answered "yes, I smoked some marijuana". I asked the EMTs in the back "What did he say?! He is totally full of it, he did not, there is no way". They all kind of look at me like I am nuts or lying to them to protect Chris. Then they ask him "What is your doctors name?" and he says "Dr McNerney". I said "No, that is our kids pediatrician". They started an IV and that was about all I knew that was happening on the ride over.

We get to the ambulance bay of the ER and they are unloading him. It was quite chaotic so once I knew where he was going to be, they took me to a little waiting room to wait for my mom and so that they could get things going. I waited for what seemed like an eternity and finally went back to his room. The ER doctor explained that they think he is having a stroke (which I already figured by that point) and that they are going to do a CT scan to be sure it isn't a brain bleed and at that point we will talk and I will need to make some choices. By this time, the ICU doctor had come down and was working closely with the ER doctor. Being that they suspected a stroke and he would be moved to the ICU they worked as a team.

By now, Chris had moved past the point of speaking coherently and he was completely talking gibberish. Some things that he said would make sense but it was like it wasn't even him talking. His expressions were nothing that I recognized. He could not squeeze his right hand. One of the doctors asked him to raise his right leg. He raised his right leg. The doctor asked him to raise his right arm. He raised his right leg. The doctor asked him again, to raise his right arm. And again, he raised his right leg. The doctor asked him again to raise his right arm and he looked at the doctor and said "What do you think I am doing?!". He had lost all movement in his right arm and hand. I asked him if he knew who I was and while I could tell that he recognized me, he could not tell me my name. I paced between his room and the hallway outside his room. It was hard for me to be near him because it scared me so much and with every minute that passed, he seemed to be falling further and further away from me.

They took him back for the CT scan while I waited, alone with my thoughts. I wondered how I was going to get through this. I was convinced that he would never be the same person. How would this change our family? Would he still love me the same? Is our marriage strong enough to get through the aftermath that this will cause? Will he survive this? Could I handle being a single parent?

The CT scan was over fairly quickly. The ER doctor confirmed what we all suspected. He was suffering a stroke. He told me that time was of the essence and I have a decision to make and I need to make it quickly. We stood in the ER room talking over Chris. Me to Chris' right and the doctor to Chris' left. Chris asleep between us. He explained that a stroke is a blood clot that has traveled to the brain and he went on to explain my options to me.

Option 1: They will administer a drug called tPA through his IV and it takes an hour. It is a drug that is used to break up the clot. Approximately a third of people who have this treatment will have no residual side effects from the stroke. Approximately two-thirds of people will have some sort of side effect. A speech problem or a limp or something of that sort. And then there is small percentage of people that will die within minutes of administering the tPA and another small percentage of people that will die within the hour. This treatment must be administered within 3 hours of the stroke starting. By this point, we were at about the 2 hour mark.

Option 2: There is a fairly new procedure where they insert a catheter into the brain and break up the clot that way. This allows a 6 hour window of time to administer the treatment. The hospital we were at do not do this procedure, nor does any hospital in our county. He would need to be air lifted to Santa Barbara. And he laid out all the risks associated with that procedure. This one did not really seem to be a feasible option. I am all for new medical breakthroughs, for other people. But if I am even going to consider it for me or my family I would need a lot of time to research and educate myself and obviously there was no time for that now.

Option 3: Do nothing.

My mom got there while they were explaining Option 2. I looked at her and told her to tell me what to do. I mean, I could tell that Option 1 was the typical protocol but those weren't really good odds to me. I wanted another choice. I wanted the choice that would make Chris him again. A third of a chance that he would be 100% again?!? That is not really good odds. But I didn't have much time to think about it and doing nothing didn't seem like an option so, I decided that tPA was going to be my choice. A choice I never wanted to be making. Never did I think at 32 I would be making a choice on how to save my husbands life.

We stood in the hallway talking to the doctors while they started the treatment. It is probably good I wasn't in there because I would be panicking. Panicking that we would be that statistic. That small percentage of people that die within minutes of it starting. The ICU doctor asked me if I had any other questions and I said "yes, but you cant give me those answers! You cant tell me whether or not my husband will be OK so no, I don't have any questions." and he just quietly put his head down. The nurse came out about 10 minutes in to it and said he was doing well. I felt like we passed one hurdle. He didn't die. Let's keep focusing on overcoming more hurdles.

We all went in to talk to him as he was awake now. That quickly, he was able to squeeze his hand again. He still could not lift his right arm. I asked him if he knew who I was. He said "Stop It". I said "No really honey, what is my name?". And he could not tell me. He said "you're my wife" and then said a few different names and finally thought hard about it and said "Jen". He still spoke a lot of gibberish. Lots of stories that did not make a lot of sense. Most were about soccer. One story seemed that he was thinking about work.

At this point, they took him up to the ICU and got him settled up there while the tPA treatment finished. My mom and I sat with him for a couple hours and talked with his doctor and nurse. He was extremely tired and told me to go home and sleep. I debated on staying in the ICU with him for the night but I knew that we had a long road ahead and I needed to get some rest. I had the direct number to the nurses station at the ICU so I was able to call and get updates on him through the night.

I went home to an empty house and sobbed myself to sleep. This could not possibly be happening.

To be continued...... Part 2

The hits just keep on coming....

We are all getting over a stomach virus. It started with the kids both puking last Wednesday night. It was super quick and they were both fine the next day. Come to find out that it spread through their daycare. 7 of the kids had it and a couple of the parents.

Saturday afternoon/evening I had *ahem* tummy issues. Thought I was going to puke, but had other things going on. I thought maybe it was just something I ate since I had a burrito from a gas station on Saturday for lunch. (Chapala in Morro Bay. I know everyone raves about them but still... It's a burrito. From a gas station. And since I had never eaten there before I thought it could be that).

Then Hannah puked all over me Sunday. A lot. While we had company dropping off a meal for us. I actually don't think she was sick. She had chugged 2 cups of cranberry juice which is very unlike her and I think it didn't sit well. She was feeling fine right after she got sick.

So last night Chris has the runs. Zach comes in this morning at 5:30 and tells me that he pooped his pants. (Yes I have a 6 year old not fully potty trained. Don't judge) He had diarrhea. I clean him up and have him go more in the bathroom. Chris gets out of bed, goes in the bathroom and does his business and then comes out and collapses on the floor on his stomach in the living room (I thought he was just laying down) but he is totally passed out and starts puking. Face down in it. So I am trying to lift his head up so he isn't breathing it in and he is just dead weight. Zach is trying to "help". Chris finally comes to and he gets cleaned up. It was horrible. Scared the crap outta me. Like having a stroke on me WASN'T ENOUGH?!?

A whirlwind month....

Our February has been kind of crazy. Where to start? ...

At the end of January I got a call from my mom that my grandmother was having chest pains and was really scared. My mom left work and drove up to her house, which is about 3 hours north of us, in the middle of the biggest storm we have had so far this year. The next day they went to see a cardiologist who immediately admitted her to the hospital. They performed all of the heart tests and determined that she needed her aortic valve replaced. After more testing they also discovered that one of her arteries was almost completely blocked and she would also need a bypass. They were able to take the vein from her mammary gland instead of her leg so that would help with the recovery. She had surgery Wednesday January 27th. We drove up on the 28th to stay a couple days so that I could go up and visit her at the hospital. She looked great. He color was good and was recovering nicely. On Friday (the 29th) my mom received a call that her neighbor was in the hospital. He was having some serious health issues and was given anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks to live.

Don is much more than a neighbor. He is like a surrogate grandfather to us. My kids adore him and call him Papa Don. His family mostly lives out of state so he spends family dinners with us and has joined us for each holiday meal for the past several years. He is an amazing man with tons of interesting stories and life experiences that we are lucky to be able to hear about. Over the years he has given me and my family some beautiful gifts. Some old. Some new. All gifted to us with so much thought.

We drove home on Saturday. My mom was planning to stay with my grandmother longer but couldn't not say goodbye to this friend, who was so much more. She came home Sunday.

Sunday our plan was to prepare for the work week and in the afternoon, drive over and say our Goodbye's to Don. That morning Chris woke up with the stomach flu. He spent most of his day in bed or in the bathroom. By the afternoon he was feeling better so we went over and the kids and I went to see Don. Obviously the kids have no idea what is going on. They just knew he was sick and gave him hugs.

Don is still alive and kicking. He is weak but he has outlived the doctors time lines.

Monday we went to work. Chris was feeling better. After work he was really hungry and we had Mexican Food for dinner. (I know, terrible idea, but he said he wanted it). That night around 9 his stomach hurt pretty bad. He thought it was the food not sitting well and he went to bed. I went to bed not long after. Around 10:30 I woke up and he was laying next to me just trembling in pain. I told him I was calling someone to sit with the kids and we were going to the hospital. He said no. That he was fine. And that he would drive himself. I insisted and he agreed. I knew at that point it was bad. Our friend Doug came and sat with the kids. We got to the ER just before 11. Got him all triaged and put him took him back. They gave him some initial exams and started an IV to take some blood and start pain medicine. A little while later the doctor came in and examined him some more. Their assumption was appendicitis. They sent him back for a CT scan and their assumptions were confirmed. They told me they would be keeping him for the night and he would have surgery first thing in the morning. I left around 1:30am to go relieve our friend. When I got home I was surprised to see Doug and the kids wide awake. Not long after we left, Zach started throwing up everywhere. He got the stomach bug Chris had. Doug is such a saint, he caught puke, cleaned it up and even scrubbed puke off Zach's mattress. Doug went home and Zach continued to puke for another hour or so before he finally fell asleep. Hannah at this point was wide awake. I finally got her down around 4.

In the middle of this I called my mom. Probably around 3am. I felt terrible waking her and putting yet another thing on her, but I just needed to talk to someone. I felt totally alone in the middle of the night with the stench of puke and the sound of the washing machine and I just needed some sort of comfort. Someone to tell me it would be ok. I knew Zach wouldn't be able to go to school the next day and I would need someone to come sit with him so I could go up to the hospital to see Chris. My mom came in the morning around 7. I took Hannah to daycare and went up to the hospital.

I got there towards the tail end of the surgery so I didn't get to see him until he got out of recovery. He was doing really well and it was a relief not to see him in so much pain anymore. I sat with him for a couple hours and I was just feeling terrible. I didn't know if I was delirious from not sleeping the night before, or if I had gotten the stomach bug. I told him I would go home for a little bit and take a nap and be back in the afternoon. I went home and slept a couple hours. When I woke up, it hit me. I had the stomach flu too. It was horrible. By that time Zach had taken a long hard nap and eaten some food and was feeling much better. My mom packed him a bag and took him home with her so I had one less thing to worry about. I spent the afternoon resting and getting sick. Kelly (aka Doug's wife, Max & Molly's mom) offered to keep Hannah for the night so that I could recover. It was nice to not worry about anyone but myself. I was able to not worry about anyone else but myself for a few hours and I slept the sickness off. Needless to say, I didn't make it back up to visit Chris that day.

Wednesday morning I slowly started putting food and liquid back into my system and felt mostly better. Chris called to let me know he was getting discharged soon. My mom was bringing Zach back over so she offered to go with me to the hospital to get Chris. We took Zach to daycare and went up to the hospital. After some more nurses checking on him and giving him discharge orders, we were out of there. The rest of the day was relaxing and restful. Thursday I took the kids to daycare and Chris and I continued to rest at home. My mom spent the day at her house with the stomach flu.

By Friday, the spot on Hannah's bottom was no doubt an infection. I got her a doctor appointment in the morning and they said to just take her to the ER. She would need to be sedated and have it drained. Off to the ER we went. Luckily for us, we knew Hannah's nurse and she was phenomenal. Because Hannah had eaten that morning she had to wait a few hours before they could sedate her so I had to keep her entertained in the ER and outside. Finally they were able to do the procedure. They got her all monitored just in case she didn't do well with the sedation. It was such a scary thing to see her eyes open but she was just blank. They cut and drained the abscess and packed it. Then we had to wait awhile to make sure she came out of the sedation fine and was feeling ok before we took her home.

It was a long trying week, but we made it!

Hannah's hospital stay

Last Thursday night I was changing Hannah before bed and her... girl parts... seemed swollen, red, and hard on one side and she was very uncomfortable when I wiped her. Having seen way too many staph infections with Zach, I of course instantly panicked. Although I couldn't see any starting point, a pimple or scratch, I had her take a soak in a hot bath so I could try to drain it. I was unable to get anything to drain. She goes to bed.

The next morning it was about the same. I called the pediatricians office as soon as they opened and got their earliest appointment. Which was in the afternoon. So she hangs out with me at home for the day. She took a short nap and when she got up she was very clingy and just laid on me for awhile. She felt very warm so I gave her some ibuprofen. Before it had a chance to work I took her temp so I had an idea of where she was without meds. Her temp was 102. We went to the doctor. Her normal pediatrician was on vacation but we saw an equally as wonderful doctor. He took one look at it and said "This is more than I can do here. You need to take her to the ER so they can lance it, drain it, and pack it." We have been through that process with Zach and it is not pleasant and the healing process is just as bad. Because of our insurance, we normally go to a certain ER in town. The one that doesn't have a childrens unit. He told me "Go to Sierra Vista, just in case she has to be admitted." He must have seen the panic all over my face because he then says "There is about a 1 in 200 chance she will need to be admitted."

I called Chris when I left there and he came home from work to drive us over the hill. I went and picked up Zach from daycare knowing that we would be there later than daycare is open. We got to the ER and waited for a bit. Still thinking it would be a quick procedure and we would be on our way home, I was frustrated with the wait time. We never had to wait at the other ER. I went and asked them for our paperwork so that we could leave and go to the other ER but they said we needed to talk to a nurse before we could leave. The nurse came out and he was very friendly, they said that there had been a car accident and that all involved were leaving so it freed up several beds, and we were taken right back. Chris and Zach had left and taken a walk to the park. After telling the story to nurses and the doctor, the doctor comes back and says that because her fever had spiked so high, and her young age, they were admitting her for IV antibiotics and observation. I called Chris and told him to go home but before he left, to bring me the DVD player from the van. Him and Zach come back and stay in the room with us for awhile.

They needed to get blood from Hannah to run labs/cultures so they were going to do it at the same time they started the IV. The nurse and the phlebotomist came back to get it going. The nurse tried, couldn't find a vein. The phlebotomist tried, couldn't find a vein. And they don't just try, they put the needle in her arm, and then go fishing for a vein. Each of them did that for about 10 minutes. All the while Hannah is screaming and fighting and we are trying to hold her still. Zach sat off to the side of the room saying really sweet words to his sister. "I know baby". "It's ok baby". He is so good to his sister. So they let Hannah rest for awhile and then tell us that they are getting another nurse who used to work at a Childrens hospital. He came in and tried twice and could not get it going either. They decided to let her rest and try again when they got her in her room. A little while later they came in with an ultrasound machine and did an ultrasound on the area to check if there was any kind of lump inside or some sort of puss pocket. They didn't see anything, only fluid, causing the swelling. Chris and Zach leave for the night. After probably 2 hours, right after Hannah falls asleep on my lap in the ER room, they finally take us upstairs to our room. I have learned that whenever shift change is for a hospital, that is when our family needs to be admitted or have something done because we always run into shift change. Always.

We get upstairs at about 8pm. Get all checked in and learn the rules of the ward. Hannah is still sleeping a bit. My mom came up at shortly after and brought me some dinner since I hadn't eaten anything since about 7am.

The plan is to have her on IV antibiotics all night and then they would try and drain the infection the next day. The nurse in the peds unit gets all set up to attempt to put in the IV. She explained that they would try once and if she was unsuccessful she would stop and get a NICU nurse, that they didn't want to torture her if at all possible. Hannah had woken up, but was exhausted. The nurse tries with no luck. She brings in the NICU nurse who starts looking over all the obvious places for veins. Then she starts looking at her head and I said "why are you looking there?" and she said "well, sometimes that is the best place for it." I panicked. I could not bear to see them shave my baby's head and put an IV in it. I was hoping and praying they would find another spot for it. Since they could not locate their papoose, they got a blanket and swaddled her. My mom and I tried to comfort her and keep the top half of her body still while they poked around in her feet for a vein. After about 4 tries, they got one! That was the last attempt before they were going for the head. I was so relieved, yet so worried she would move around and end up blowing it so I was watching her very close to make sure she didn't move too much.

At that point they started the antibiotics and Hannah was able to go to sleep. My mom left around 10:30 or so and I pulled out the roll away cot. Hannah rolled over in her sleep and I jumped up to untangle her IV tubes and I figured I would be better off sleeping in her bed with her. Needless to say I didn't sleep too much, but I was right next to her if she needed anything, which was all that mattered. The next morning when she woke up and saw me next to her she was so happy. She squealed "Mama" and put her arms around my neck. That was great. Then she dozed off for another hour and woke up very unhappy. I think she realized we were still there. She slapped her bed a couple times. She does this sometimes when she is angry.

The next day (Saturday) they applied warm compresses to the infection several times to try and bring it to head. It never looked like it was something they could drain, they felt it was a deeper infection, not something on the surface like the kids had in the past. And hers had spread a bit. The swollen area didn't, but the red surface area had grown quite a bit by that time. They continued with the IV antibiotics and Motrin every 6 hours. Hannah spent the day playing with toys and watching DVDs. Nana took Zach for the day and for a sleepover so that Chris was able to come spend the day at the hospital with us. With H1N1 so bad right now, they don't even allow siblings to come visit. We took Hannah for a walk in a wagon, she enjoyed being out of her room. She loved drinking chocolate milk. It is not something she ever gets, so she liked that. They told us in the early afternoon to expect to be there one more night since the infection wasn't improving. The pediatrician that saw her on Friday came by to check on a patient of his and was surprised to see us there. He came in and checked on her and looked at the infection. He told the nurse to make a note for the doctor treating her that "it does not just look worse... it looks significantly worse". That wasn't pleasant to hear. He told them he wanted another ultrasound done to see if they could see puss. The rest of the day was about the same. Hannah was such a trooper. She did a lot of coloring, playing with a doll house that they had there, and watching movies.

The next morning the doctor came in and said she would be going home that day. I asked about the ultrasound and he didn't seem like he wanted to have it done and I said her pediatrician wanted it, so he went ahead and ordered it. The results were the same, just fluid. About 1 or so my brother showed up to visit. We started chatting with him and packing our stuff up. I asked the doctor what to do if it looks like it comes to a head. Do I drain it? He said that would not happen, there was no puss in there, but no, not to drain it. She would be on an oral antibiotic and to follow up with her pediatrician in 2 days. We finally got out of there around 2pm. We were so happy to get home. Hannah was tired, so we lounged around the house and took a little nap. Nana brought Zach home. That night I gave Hannah a bath and the thing looked like it needed to drain, it had a white head to it (so much for no puss). I didn't touch it though. The next morning I stayed home from work and I called the peds office when they opened and talked to the doctor who had been seeing her. I explained what was going on and asked if they wanted to see her. They said no, just take her to the ER. She would need to be sedated and have it cut open, drained and packed. We start getting ready to head to the hospital and Hannah said she needed to go potty. There was some drainage in her diaper and as she is going potty, it literally starts dripping into the toilet (having dealt with this before, I know that if it is draining, it doesn't need to be cut open and drained). I laid her down and just kept wiping the puss away as it came, I didn't force anything. I would guess probably 3 tablespoons came out of that poor baby girl. I called the ped back and explained again. Telling them that I really thought maybe they could look at her before I put her through the ordeal of the ER. They agreed and we went in. They cultured it and it did end up being MRSA . They had me just continue with hot baths a couple times a day and to keep draining it. There wasn't much left at that point and it healed really quickly. She is still pretty traumatized and when she needs to be changed she says "No touch my owie", but she is healed.

Staph Infection

I took this past Friday off. Partially because our daycare was closed and I decided to give my mom a break, and partially because I wanted to take Zach to the doctor. He's had these little pimples on his bottom lately. Not a huge deal, he gets a pimple in that region from time to time. He had one that looked pretty icky so I wanted to ask the doctor if there is anything I can put on them to treat them. He also still has the green snot running continuously and has been restless at night, so I wanted the doctor to check his ears.

I am glad I made the appointment on Thursday because by Friday one of the pimples looked pretty bad and for a few days, he wouldn't even want to sit on it. And he kept telling me "my bum hurt". We go in, the doctor tells me it is a staph infection. He must have scratched a pimple and had dirt under his nails, or something like that.

You have got to be kidding me. Can this kid ever get a break?!?

The only times I had heard of staph infections, they have included hospitalizations for several days. Come to find out they are much more common than I had known.

Anyway, for now, the treatment is that he needs to take a warm bath at night and I need to drain it. Luckily I am kind of a freak and that doesn't bother me at all. It does hurt my heart at how bad it hurts my little man. He screams so bad, like he is being beat or something. I know it hurts him, so I don't really blame him. The amount of goo that comes out has to be some sort of pressure relief though.

The doctor told me of a couple things to keep an eye out for, and if I see those things, we are to take him to the ER right away. I am just praying that doesn't happen and it clears up soon!

The house of sickies

I haven't been up to blogging lately. We have had way too many illnesses going on.

2 weeks ago, Zach was sick. Like miserable, lethargic sick that I have not seen in years. It started on a Saturday night. He was sounding really croupy (a sound we know all too well) and Zach was so uncomfortable he was wiggling all over his bed and ended up getting stuck between the footboard and the mattress. We got him out and Chris took Zach outside for a little walk in the cold air. That helped him alot. He was able to go back to sleep. Then Wednesday night he was miserable, couldn't sleep, snot everywhere, and his breathing sounded icky.

I stayed home with him Thursday and took him to the doctor. We got him an early appointment and got there right about 9:30. Right after I checked him in, he puked in the waiting room. I was able to catch most of it in my hands (YUCK!). I think he just had so much snot that he was swallowing that it upset his tummy. We go in and see the doctor. The junk hadn't gone into his chest (luckily it usually never does) so the doctor gave him a liquid steroid since his airway still sounded irritated. He said this should snap him right out of it and if it didn't to bring him back in Friday so we didn't go into the weekend like this.

We check out and go out to the van. I got Zach all strapped in his carseat and I could see that look all over his face. The look every mom knows. The look that says "I am about to puke". I yanked him out of the van just in time for him to puke all over the parking lot. The nurse came out and we cleaned him up. I got Zach loaded back up to go home and the whole time he was telling the nurse "sorry, sorry, sorry". We get home and he puked 3 more times. Luckily each time he was in the kitchen. I guess Zach thought the fronts of my cabinets needed a scrub. He sat down to watch TV and he fell asleep in his chair around 10:30am.


I moved him to the couch so he would be more comfy


About an hour into his nap he crawled to the floor and threw up again. Luckily I had time to grab a bucket. He fell back asleep on the floor and didn't want to be moved.
He slept there until about 1:30. He woke up and ate some toast and had some juice. Kind of hung out all day and watched cartoons. Didn't have much energy for anything. That night he was still miserable and couldn't sleep so Chris stayed home with him Friday and took him back in. This time they gave him a steroid shot so he couldn't puke it up and they said the dreaded sentence we never want to hear.... "It could be RSV, we are going to test for that" (for anyone that doesn't know, Zach spent 5 days in the hospital, in isolation, with RSV so those 3 little letters bring back horrid memories). The way they test for RSV is by testing snot. Chris and the doctor held Zach down and they almost filled a urine cup with Zach's snot (I thought Chris was exagerating when he told me how much snot they pulled out, but when our doctor called on Saturday to check on Zach, he told me). Anyway, the RSV test was negative. And the doc called in a prescription for Amoxicillin to help clear up the junk Zach had going on. By Saturday, it was like we had a new kid. Saturday Chris had an all day soccer tournament. When he got home, Zach ran to the door and said "Daddy... I all better!"

Luckily Hannah dodged that sickness. Now, she has her own thing going on. She has a terrible cold. We took her in yesterday because she sounded terrible and she has green ickies coming out of her eyes. The doc checked her all out and said she just has the yucky cold going around right now. She is in good spirits, other then when I try and clean her eyes and nose.

Chris and I are both battling colds right now too.

I just hope the germies all leave our house soon!!

Zachary's Birth Story

Lately I have been wanting to put my memories of Zachary's Birth on "paper", so that the memories are documented somewhere forever, other than my mind. 4 years have gone by and I don't want to forget anything from that joyous time.


My due date for Zachary was originally June 20th. When I switched OB's at the beginning of my pregnancy, she changed it to June 19th according to her calendar. I always used June 20th because that year, June 20th was Fathers Day and that was just cool to me. It dawned on me recently that being that 2004 was a Leap Year, that is probably why the day was off one day.

I was convinced that Zach would come late. After all, all first baby's come late right? He always measured a couple weeks behind as well. I stopped working sometime in late May, more out of laziness than necessity. I had everything washed and ready to go. His room was perfect. All his clothes were organized and clean as can be. I read all the books. I never touched coffee, or any of the other horrid things they tell you to stay away from when you are pregnant.

We went to the childbirth preparation classes at the hospital I was going to deliver at. We didn't pay attention as much as we probably should have. Part of my Birth Plan was that I was going to get the epidural. I said I would try for natural, but deep down, I knew I would get it.

Thursday June 10th I started having contractions. They weren't too intense or regular, but continued over the next couple days. Saturday morning (June 12th) I woke up around 1 or 2am and sat up. I thought I was going to either throw up or pass out. Everything was spinning. I woke Chris up. He was concerned. Asked if we should go to the hospital. We called the on call doctor at my OB. I told her I had been having contractions for a couple days and how I was feeling.She told me that I was just reacting to the pain of the contractions and it was nothing to worry about. To come to the hospital if the contractions get at least 1 minute long and 3-4 minutes apart. I went back to bed. It wasn't easy. Every time I put my head down on the pillow or turned to the side, everything spun.

The next morning we got up early because Chris had a soccer tournament up in San Francisco. He had been looking forward to this tourney for months. He told me he wasn't going to go. I told him he was. I was fine and he should go. He got ready. I went downstairs to the couch where I planned to spend my day. Everything was still spinning. Chris went and told our neighbor what was going on with me and that if I had any problems, I may come over. She was having a garage sale and would be outside all day anyway. I called my mom who starting packing her bag to come up. She was convinced it was almost time. My grandmother came by to check on me and we sat and talked. I was still having contractions, but no better or worse than they were on Thursday. My mom arrived Sunday.

Monday morning, June 14th, my mom came over after Chris had gone to work. All I really wanted to do was lay around but she made me get up and shower and go out with her. We went and had breakfast. The contractions were getting worse. After breakfast, we went to the store. My mom stocked our freezer full of meals while I was in the hospital, so we were getting all the food for her to cook. At the store, I was having to stop and really breathe through the contractions. We got home and I finally started timing them. Chris got home from work about 5:30pm and when he walked in the door my mom said "We're having a baby tonight!". We both kind of rolled our eyes at her. I was still convinced Zach would be late and we still had 5 days til his due date! We ate a huge dinner. Steak and baked potato. My mom went back to my grandmothers for the night. Chris and I went for a walk. I was stopping every couple minutes for contractions, but still nothing that I felt alarmed about.

We were sitting on the couch and about 9:30 I started crying a little bit. The pain was bad. Chris said "let's go, we are going to the hospital"... I said "no"... in my head, this couldn't be real labor, yes it was painful, but it had to get worse than this. And, we had been timing and recording my contractions for hours and they never got to where they needed to be. One would be 90 seconds long, the next would be 30 seconds long. One would be 1 minute apart, the next would be 5 minutes apart. They weren't as consistent as they said in the class! In my head, I didn't want to go spend hours at the hospital getting checked and monitored, just to be sent home and then Chris would be tired the next day. About 9:45pm I had to go pee. When I wiped, there was a little bit of pink on the toilet paper so I thought maybe we should head to the hospital. I finished packing my bag and we hopped in the car. We had a nice drive over. We joked about how they were going to either send us home, or hook me up to pitocin to speed things up. I called my mom as we were driving over. Told her I would update her but that it probably wouldn't happen tonight.

We got to the hospital at about 10:45pm on Monday night. Went to the desk and told them I was in labor. They got me in a room and checked me. The nurse said I was 5-6cm. But she wasn't positive so she had another nurse check who said I was 6-7cm. I told them I wanted to put my order in for an epidural right then. Lucky for me, it was shift change, so yet another nurse sticks her hand up there. She also agrees with the 6-7cm estimation. We call my mom and tell her to come. It was going to happen tonight. The pain was getting really bad and the contractions were really close together. Probably around 11:30 or so my doctor broke my water. Then they were really bad. The nurse told me there was an emergency so the anesthesiologist had to go there first and would come to me next. I was screaming and crying. Chris told me to concentrate on my breathing like we learned in the classes. I told him that "the f*#$ing breathing didn't work"!! Everything was still spinning if I put my head on the pillow or turned my head to either side.

Jesse James was on Jay Leno.

The nurse came in again and I asked her where the drugs were, she said he would be there as soon as he could. I told her to promise me that I would get it. She promised. Around 12:30am the anesthesiologist finally showed up. Chris said he was going to get my bag out of the car, he was not going to watch them put a needle in my back. The drug guy asked how far along I was. They checked me. She told him 10cm. He picked up his stuff and said he wasn't doing it. My nurse looked at him and said "you don't understand, yes you are". They made me sit on the side of the bed and push out my back. I asked if I could lay down while they did it. The contractions hurt too bad to sit that way. He said No. I sat up. He wiped my back down and I felt the urge to push and I told him to just go away. Chris came back and I was in pushing position. Told him I couldn't get it. I pushed a couple times and they saw the head. The doctor wasn't there yet so they told me to stop pushing. "Are you f*#$ing kidding me? Stop pushing?" They held my legs down so I couldn't push. A couple minutes later and the doctor was there. I don't remember how many pushes it took, but I would bet it was less than 10. I wanted to feel his head as he was crowning, just like all the moms did on "A Baby Story" that I watched way too much of while I was pregnant. Everyone in the room freaked out when I reached down there. They (especially my mom) seriously thought I was going to try and rip him out. To this day that is what she thinks.

At 1:18am on Tuesday June 15th my baby boy had arrived. He was a perfect 7 pounds 9 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long. They lied him on my chest for a minute and then took him over to the warmer. I think I heard the nurse say his Apgars were 8 and 9, but I honestly don't remember. Chris went over with him and watched all the fun cleaning stuff. He still vividly remembers them sticking a tube into his lungs and suctioning things out. I am glad I didn't see that. We got to hold him for awhile in our room and take pictures and then they took him to the nursery. Proud daddy never left his side. They did his bath and foot prick and all that other right out of the womb stuff.

Once they brought him back in to me it was probably 4am. Chris fell asleep on the pull out chair. I just sat and looked at him and talked to him. We tried to nurse but we just couldn't get it. I told him we would try again later. He lifted his eye brows at me, as if to say "ok mama". He was asleep. I just stared at him. I remember thinking his eyes looked funny. I figured I just didn't know much about newborns and they all looked that way. I slept for a little while with him in my arms.

The day was beautiful. We had lots of visitors. Everyone oooh'ed and aaah'ed over him. I was in no rush to go home. Tuesday night he stayed in our room with us. Wednesday morning they thought he looked a little jaundice and they were going to put him under the bili lights. I was upset, but they assured me it happened all the time. Wednesday morning he also had his circumcision. His pediatrician came in and told us he did great, slept through the whole thing. I still had the spins and finally a doctor said it was likely that I had Vertigo and he gave me some nasal spray. It didn't help and didn't go away for about 2 weeks, but it didn't much matter anymore. Late Wednesday evening they told me that the jaundice was getting worse and they wanted to keep him under the lights overnight in the nursery. I was distraught. I couldn't believe that something could be wrong with my baby and he had to stay the night away from me. I cried. A lot. My mom and grandmother were there and told me it was going to be ok and that it happened all the time. We tried in the nursery to nurse and we still had no luck. They had me pump. The nurses couldn't believe how much milk I had. At least he was going to be able to drink my milk.

Thursday morning, after his pediatrician did her rounds and checked on him in the nursery, she came in to talk to us. She said his circumcision looked great and was healing nicely. She said that his jaundice was not improving, but not worse. She said she heard a slight heart murmur and was having the pediatric cardiologist come see him later that day. As she walked out the door to leave, she said "we are also running some tests because we have noticed some features..." With that, she was out the door. EXCUSE ME??? We yelled after her. She came back in. "Features of what?" "Down syndrome...... a social worker will be coming to talk to you" "What features?" From what I remember (at this point I had gone partially deaf and completely numb) she told us he had features such as the heart murmur and Asian looking eyes and since neither of us are Asian, it was cause for concern. With that, she was gone.

I cried. I just wanted to go to the nursery and see my baby. My precious baby that this crazy woman was saying these cruel and obviously wrong things about. I had to go see him. He was perfect, how could they think anything other than that?

I remember saying that I did everything right, which I had. In my head, I thought it was impossible and she had to be wrong. After all, my tests all came back "normal". I felt guilty for possibly giving my husband this damaged child. I thought he would hate me for doing this. I apologized. I said that I would go through that painful labor 10 times over just to take this away.

I have never said this out loud to anyone, but I remember thinking 'what would happen if I just walked out of here and never looked back, would people just forget that I was ever pregnant, could I ever forget'. That feeling lasted maybe 3 seconds. It was never possible, but something that did cross my mind.

Zach got to come into our room for awhile before going back under the lights in the NICU. While he was in there, my OB came by to check up on me. I was still crying. I told him what they told us. He looked Zach over and said there was no way he had Down syndrome. He looked for the Simian crease , which Zach does not have. He looked for a few other things too. I valued his opinion, after all, he had been delivering babies for probably close to 40 years. He would know right?!

They told us that it could take 2 weeks to get the chromosomal testing back. The head doctor of the NICU called in a favor at Stanford to get preliminary results as quickly as possible.

Because I was being discharged on Thursday, they had to move him to the NICU. I guess a baby can't stay in the nursery after the mom is discharged. The wonderful nurses let me stay in my room until late Thursday night. It wasn't busy and my insurance pays for 2 days.

We met with the cardiologist who pointed out more features. Every one of them I had an excuse for. Heart murmur, Chris has a heart murmur. Sandal gap, Chris must have weird toes. Slanted eyes, Chris has fairly small eyes. This brilliant gentle man pointed out imperfection after imperfection and I fired back with excuses. After the cardiologist was done examing Zach with his portable ultrasound machine, he talked to us for awhile. To be honest, I don't remember much of anything he said. I was in such a fog by that point.

The nurses in the NICU told us there was a parent room that we could stay in that night since I was being discharged. We went back and cleaned up our room and I was discharged. We had decided we would run home, shower, eat dinner, get some clothes and come back for the night. They put me in the wheelchair and had to wheel me out of the hospital. Without my baby. I sobbed the whole time. That was the most painful thing I had felt. The pain of labor didn't even stand a chance against the pain I felt in my heart. I felt like a failure. I felt incomplete. I felt empty.

We came back to the hospital and sat with him. We couldn't hold him too much, only for feedings. He had to stay under the lights. We did his feedings every 3 hours. I pumped every 3 hours. We changed his diapers through the holes of the incubator. That took some getting used to. We slept on pull out chairs in the parent room. Try that after giving birth!

Friday was about the same. Feeding and pumping. Stayed in the parent room.

Saturday morning Chris' dad and step mother arrived. We were all in the parent room when they called us into the NICU. The doctor told us what I think we already knew at that point. His tests were back. He does have an extra chromosome. I remember her saying that if you were going to have a child with a disability, this is the one you want. There is so much they can do, but he will never play any kind of contact sport. That was all I heard her say.

We walked out of the NICU doors and instantly embraced each other and just sobbed. For a long time.

At that point, we just wanted to take our son home. We had been waiting on blood tests to see if his jaundice levels were good enough and lucky for us, they were. Saturday afternoon we finally got to pack him up and take him home, on his due date. We spent our first night at home, as a family. We woke up the next morning and Chris got to spend his first Fathers Day home with his son.



Zach in the NICU with his shades on:

Success

This isn't the best of the worst pictures of his crossing eyes, but it was the best I could come up with right now. The picture in his new helmet was taken yesterday and when I looked at it I can really see the difference.

Before:


After:

Zachary Update

Zachary is doing much better. We just got back from the eye doctor and she said his eyes are looking great. They are perfectly straight which is what we want. His mood and energy level have been back to normal for quite some time. We will continue with him wearing glasses for now to help continue to weak eye to work harder.

He went back to school today. He just can't do outside recess. They were all very happy to have him back.

Here is a picture of him saying "Cheese" for the camera yesterday:

Pictures

This is how Zach spent the majority of Tuesday:



Here he is this morning:

Zach's Get Well Card

When we came home from the hospital, we had this on our porch. We love it!



***Disclaimer*** I do not have permission to use these children's photos so please try not to look too close.
I think Lola the guinea pig is ok with her picture being shared.

Surgery Day 2

Zach is much better today. Last night about 9:30pm he started to snap out of it. He was sleeping and we had to get his last dose of eye drops in so we did his eye drops and of course he woke up. He whined since he didn't want the drops. Then he wanted to cuddle with Mama. I was holding him on the couch and I rubbed his leg and he smiled. That was the first positive sign.

I played with him a little bit and tickled his leg and he smiled and finally started saying some words. I was telling him that he had a balloon that our wonderful neighbors brought over for him and that it had Elmo on it. He wanted some juice and he drank down 2 big cups of juice/water. Then he slowly opened his eyes. After a couple minutes he sat up and wanted to hold his balloon. He was happy! It was such a huge relief.

We had to take the balloon away because he wanted to bounce it around a little too much and I was afraid he was going to hit himself in the eye.

He wanted to watch Jojo so he and I went and laid in our bed and he got to watch Jojo (what would we do without DVR??!!) After Jojo he watched an episode of Mickey Mouse too. About 11pm Zach and Daddy went and laid in Zach's bed and Zach went to sleep for the night.

This morning he was much happier and almost like his normal self. His eyes seem a little squinty, but they are open and he was happy to watch cartoons. He was trying to jump around the house, but the doctor said jumping is a big No No.

Nana is at home with him today and Mommy and Daddy are back at work.

I will post pictures tonight if I get a chance.